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Where did 2012 go?

Uh-oh!  I definitely didn't intend to remain silent for nearly a year, but I guess that's what happens when one doesn't write.

 

In my most recent post (from 2012...ahem), I mentioned that change requires making changes.  And I'm onboard for making even more changes in 2013 than were made in 2012, such as continuing the ongoing task of letting go (daily) of the things that I've all too often leaned on for security in the past.

 

And away we go!

Change requires making changes

What's been on my mind lately is the Cycle of Addiction, particularly its first two stages, Mental Preoccupation and Ritualization.

Regarding Preoccupation, in April 2011, I described this as, "[T]he beginning part of the cycle... where we are preoccupied with thoughts of sex, getting alone so we can surf the web, engaging in activities which the Bible terms 'fornication' and 'adultery,' etc."

It seems as though we Americans, and citizens of any other country where the media is easily accessible, are practically encouraged to remain in this mental state at all times.  If you doubt this, watch television tonight or listen to the radio today and count the amount of programming and advertising that is sexually suggestive.

The Christian, especially the Christian sex addict, must strive to not live in the Preoccupation stage.  As I said in April 2011, "2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we, as Christians, are to, 'take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.'  Yes, I know that this is 'easier said than done,' but it is unquestionably easiest to interrupt the Cycle of Addiction at this point than it is during the next two."

What is imperative, though, is that we not allow ourselves to progress to the Ritualization stage.  (And it's important to note that the four stages of the Cycle of Addiction happen each and every time we "act out," as some say; others describe the same action as "sin".)  In April 2011, I said of Ritualization:

This stage of the cycle is unique to every individual, but it is here that we engage in pre-acting-out activities. For example, this might involve anything from us driving to an adult bookstore to breaking out the laptop and migrating to that place in the house where we are most comfortable surfing the web and masturbating. Or if our addiction involves another individual, it might mean emailing or calling that person to check their availability. We can't get "here" without starting "there" (or vice versa), so think of this stage as the one in which we do whatever it is that gets us into position to do what's called "acting out." To use a football metaphor, it would be during this stage that we would get into "formation" in anticipation of having the ball snapped and the play engaged.

What I have learned of this stage in the past year is that incorporating simplicity into our lives can be a very complicated proposition.  For example, modifications to our lifestyle do not occur unless we modify our behaviors, and change does not occur unless we make changes.

"Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results."  I agree with the sentiment of this cliche, but I'm wise enough to realize that "insanity" should be substituted with "stupidity" and/or "foolishness" in this sentence.  In my case, at least a couple of hundred times in my life, I've turned on the laptop, sat down in a spot in the house where I can best hear my family returning home, and surfed the web for pornography.  (This is Ritualization.)  And at least a hundred of those times I've made bargains with myself such as, "I'll only do this for 30 minutes in order to not waste the whole day."  Well, guess what?  Not surprisingly, for the addict, there is no such thing as doing anything addictive for any set period of time.  Instead, I've found myself on countless occasions surfing the web until the last possible minute, whether that be dictated by me needing to leave for work, knowing family is going to be returning, or whatever.  Shameless and senseless behavior for an adult!  And let's face facts: pornography is ultimately nothing more than a masturbation enhancer!

The point of all this rambling is to say that I've realized in the past year that, even though I've been worked to remain sober for more than a decade in regard to all of this, I am still too "new" at it to be able to surf the web when no one else is home.  (This is on par with the alcoholic who finally realizes, "Duh!  Me going into a bar is never a good thing because I always wind up getting drunk when I do!"  Again, duh!)  Perhaps such a day will arrive in my lifetime when I can surf the web without someone else in the house to keep me in check.  But until that time arrives, though, I'm happy to report that I've learned this valuable lesson.  And this is an example of change coming about because of changes made.

June...November...five months of silence

Owing primarily to work conflicts, I've not posted to this blog in nearly six month.  To a degree, I question whether that makes any difference whatsoever since I'm not sure that anyone ever reads this blog anyway.  Yet, I write this blog for myself as much as for anyone else, so here I am again writing what's been on my mind.

One thing that's been on my mind is II Corinthians 10:5, which says, "[W]e take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  In other words, as inferred in this blog's entry regarding The Cycle of Addiction, as "addicts" or sinners either one, we are not free to think any and every thought we wish.  And that's a hard one to accept since, in nearly all other walks of our lives, we are free to let our minds wander as they will and in any direction they wish to go.  But when it comes to sex, pornography, etc., we must do things differently than we otherwise would.  I say that because I cannot think of a time when I masturbated and/or looked at pornography & masturbated (and let's face it: pornography is nothing more than a masturbation enhancer) that I had not first just let my mind wander into the terrains where I had no business allowing it to go.  And not doing that is a true challenge to not only the Christian but to the male in general.

This brings me to Philippians 4:8, in which Paul writes, "[W]hatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."  And this leads to some rather uncomfortable questions:

Is masturbation or pornography noble?

Is masturbation or pornography right?

Is masturbation or pornography pure?

Is masturbation or pornography lovely?

Is masturbation or pornography admirable?

Is masturbation or pornography praiseworthy?

The (obvious) answer all the way around is a resounding "No!"  Instead, what comes to mind when I think of what I've seen depicted in pornography is disgust, disdain, degradation, despair, contempt, humiliation and most of all disrespect and disregard.  I emphasis these last two descriptors most of all because I cannot think of a single pornographic portrait or film wherein I have grasped one person treating another with respect or regard.  And that's heavy food for thought.

Empowered by Romans 16:20

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet."

What's empowering here is that this verse does not say that God "will soon crush Satan under [his] feet," but instead it says God "will soon crush Satan under your feet."

Empowering quotation from Aristotle

"What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do." - Aristotle

Empowered by Colossians

Lately, I’ve felt very empowered by Colossians 2, which says that in Christ Jesus one will find "hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

Evidence that Satan lies...

In case you needed proof that Satan lies, look at Job 1:6, which says:

One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them. The LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered the LORD, "From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it."

This is at minimum a half truth, which is also known as a lie!

While Satan might describe what he does simply as "roaming," in 1 Peter 5:8, the Apostle Peter writes:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

So, as Peter said, "be alert" and don't buy Satan's lies!

"If anyone...knows...and doesn’t do it..."

"If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." (James 4:17)

"Endurance and encouragement"

I was struck today by Romans 15:5, which reminds us that God "gives endurance and encouragement."

The Law of Diminishing Return

The "law of diminishing return," although actually an economics terms, can also be used to describe the long term effects of sexual addiction.

For all intents and purposes, sexual addiction is a progressive disease in that it gets worse with time, and the way it gets worse is that - as you may have noticed - it requires more to "get you off" today than it did years ago.  For example, when I was in high school, the photos I might view in a Playboy magazine were inflammatory enough to do the job.  However, after years of viewing pornography and masturbating to it, such photos may as well be of clothed women insofar as them being able to give one the "rush" that it is being sought.  That is what leads us from viewing such "tame" photos to seeking out video clips, etc., etc., etc.

I say "etc." here because I feel as though I've already gotten too graphic for a blog such as this, and anyone reading this can do their own inventory and recall what they started out viewing versus what things they have seen since.

The really bad news here is that, the longer one dances with the Devil in terms of sexual addiction, the more mired we can become in it.  And the "advanced" or "advancing," if you will, stages of this disease are what leads to affairs, anonymous sex, seeking out prostitutes, etc.  This is also what leads some sex addicts to force themselves upon people who are not interested in them and, in the most advance stage of all, causes so-called "serial killers" to murder.  Remember: there is a terrifying adage involved in all of this: not every sex addict becomes a serial killer, but every serial killer is a sex addict.

Is it possible to be chemically dependent on masturbation?

"Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when a client compulsively masturbates.

For the individual engaging in compulsive masturbation, they often experience problems with concentration and memory. This is a dangerous side effect of compulsive masturbation and signals that the brain is being over drained of acetylcholine. This behavior can also drain the motor nerves, neuro-muscular endings, and tissues of acetylcholine and replace it with too much stress adrenalin which is where memory loss, lack of concentration, and eye floaters come from. To fight these symptoms, the chemical levels in their body needs to be balanced..."

The remainder of this article is available at

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Sex_Pornography_Addiction/forum/3803510-sa-compulsive-masturbation-biochemical-effects

About the name "Jonah Daily"

As you may have surmised, "Jonah Daily" is not my real name.  Instead, it is a pseudonym I've adopted in order that:

(1) My family's anonymity may be protected; and

(2) I might share things I might not otherwise share were I writing under my real name.

With that said, here's the significance of the name:

Jonah

In Chapter 1 of the Book of Jonah, the author recounts that the Lord instructed Jonah to go to Ninevah and preach to its citizens.  "But Jonah ran away," the Bible says, and he boarded a ship in order that he might, "flee from the Lord."

Far too many times in my lifetime I've known precisely what God wanted me to, and disregarded His commands, only to eventually find that - to use the old cliche - "Father knows best."  Then, and only then, and usually while lamenting yet another life implosion, do I acknowledge that doing what God wanted me to do in the first place was the way to go.  It reminds me of a friend who once said that he'd told his daughter, "Either you can: (a) do what I tell you do; or (b) you can give me attitude, I can spank you, and then you can do what I tell you to do."

Daily

Overcoming addiction (or if you don't believe in addiction, a sin problem) is a conscious effort to which we must commit ourselves on a daily basis.  As Christ said in Luke 9: 23, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

So, in other words, the name "Jonah Daily" is a reminder to me that God (and not me) has the answers, and that I must remember that daily.

Galatians 2:6

"[E]ncourage the young men to be self-controlled."

Are you imitating good or evil?

"Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good." (III John 11)

"In the world but not of the world"

In 1 Peter 1:1, the Apostle Peter refers to "God's elect" as "strangers in the world."

Who says sinning is still an option for the Christian?

In Romans 6, the Apostle Paul writes that we are not to "offer the parts of [our] body to sin" but we are instead to "count [ourselves] dead to sin."

So, why then do we continue to act as though sinning is still an option to us?

Psalm 111:10 says that, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."  In this instance, that means that we would be wise to take what Paul says in Romans 6 as a commandment, instead of as a mere suggestion, which we so often do.

Repentance and deeds

Food for thought: the Apostle Paul says that we, as Christians, should "demonstrate [our] repentance by [our] deeds." (Acts 26:20)

Forget and move forward

A lot of times we dwell on our past sins to the point to where - in our anguish - we commit new sins in order to temporarily forget about the old ones.

We seemingly cling to the memories of our old sins far longer than does God.

In this regard, we need to remember that the Bible says that, if we repent and seek forgiveness, God casts "all our sins into the depths of the sea."  (Micah 7:19)  It also says that God knows us better than we know ourselves and "He knows how we are formed." (Psalm 103:14)

So, move forward daily.

Remember: one day at a time.

The Cycle of Addiction

I've looked online for a good beginner's introduction to the Cycle of Addiction, which is credited as the creation of Patrick Carnes.  I've been unable to find one, so I'm writing one myself.  Note that, since this blog is about sex addiction, the following is written from that standpoint.

The Cycle of Addiction consists of four parts: preoccupation; ritualization; acting out; and shame & despair.

1. Preoccupation.  This is the beginning part of the cycle and, as its name implies, it is one where we are preoccupied with thoughts of sex, getting alone so we can surf the web, engaging in activities which the Bible terms "fornication" and "adultery," etc.  Any number of things can trigger us and cause us to become preoccupied.  2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we, as Christians, are to, "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  Yes, I know that this is "easier said than done," but it is unquestionably easiest to interrupt the Cycle of Addiction at this point than it is during the next two.

2.  Ritualization.  This stage of the cycle is unique to every individual, but it is here that we engage in pre-acting-out activities.  For example, this might involve anything from us driving to an adult bookstore to breaking out the laptop and migrating to that place in the house where we are most comfortable surfing the web and masturbating.  Or if our addiction involves another individual, it might mean emailing or calling that person to check their availability.  We can't get "here" without starting "there" (or vice versa), so think of this stage as the one in which we do whatever it is that gets us into position to do what's called "acting out."  To use a football metaphor, it would be during this stage that we would get into "formation" in anticipation of having the ball snapped and the play engaged.

3.  Acting out.  This is the obvious part.  This is where we engage ourselves completely in sinful activity, be it masturbation, fornication, adultery, whatever.  So, details do not need to be examined here.

4.  Shame & Despair (sometimes referred to as "Guilt & Shame").  It's during this stage that - after "acting out" - we sit around wallowing in our own post-masturbation (or whatever) moments being angry with ourselves, feeling lower than dirt, and wondering just how in the world we wound up spending yet another afternoon viewing pornography and masturbating when we swore to ourselves previously that we would never do so again.  Such thoughts plague our mind, affect our sense of self-worth, etc., and, more often than not, lead us right back to mental preoccupation.

I've known some people to compare the Cycle of Addiction to James 1:13-15, which observes that:

1.  Preoccupation - "[E]ach person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed."

2.  Ritualization - "Then, after desire has conceived,"

3.  Acting Out - "it gives birth to sin; and"

4.  Guilt & Shame - "sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

This is a most simplied version of this cycle.  For more information, read Out of the Shadows by Dr. Patrick Carnes.

"I will strengthen you..." (Isaiah 41:10)

If you're reading the postings at this blog and feeling hopeless and/or overwhelmed, just remember that with God nothing is impossible.  Thousands of years ago He said:

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God's will

"It is God's will that you should...avoid sexual immorality [and] learn to control [your] body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

Definition of "addiction"

I've found that many people do not believe that it's possible to be addicted to something such as sex.  However, to that end, let's examine the following definitions of "addiction":

"A habitual or compulsive involvement in an activity";

"Habitual psychological and physiological dependence on a substance or practice beyond one's voluntary control";

"The condition of being abnormally dependent on some habit"; and/or

"The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming."