Change requires making changes

What's been on my mind lately is the Cycle of Addiction, particularly its first two stages, Mental Preoccupation and Ritualization.

Regarding Preoccupation, in April 2011, I described this as, "[T]he beginning part of the cycle... where we are preoccupied with thoughts of sex, getting alone so we can surf the web, engaging in activities which the Bible terms 'fornication' and 'adultery,' etc."

It seems as though we Americans, and citizens of any other country where the media is easily accessible, are practically encouraged to remain in this mental state at all times.  If you doubt this, watch television tonight or listen to the radio today and count the amount of programming and advertising that is sexually suggestive.

The Christian, especially the Christian sex addict, must strive to not live in the Preoccupation stage.  As I said in April 2011, "2 Corinthians 10:5 says that we, as Christians, are to, 'take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.'  Yes, I know that this is 'easier said than done,' but it is unquestionably easiest to interrupt the Cycle of Addiction at this point than it is during the next two."

What is imperative, though, is that we not allow ourselves to progress to the Ritualization stage.  (And it's important to note that the four stages of the Cycle of Addiction happen each and every time we "act out," as some say; others describe the same action as "sin".)  In April 2011, I said of Ritualization:

This stage of the cycle is unique to every individual, but it is here that we engage in pre-acting-out activities. For example, this might involve anything from us driving to an adult bookstore to breaking out the laptop and migrating to that place in the house where we are most comfortable surfing the web and masturbating. Or if our addiction involves another individual, it might mean emailing or calling that person to check their availability. We can't get "here" without starting "there" (or vice versa), so think of this stage as the one in which we do whatever it is that gets us into position to do what's called "acting out." To use a football metaphor, it would be during this stage that we would get into "formation" in anticipation of having the ball snapped and the play engaged.

What I have learned of this stage in the past year is that incorporating simplicity into our lives can be a very complicated proposition.  For example, modifications to our lifestyle do not occur unless we modify our behaviors, and change does not occur unless we make changes.

"Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results."  I agree with the sentiment of this cliche, but I'm wise enough to realize that "insanity" should be substituted with "stupidity" and/or "foolishness" in this sentence.  In my case, at least a couple of hundred times in my life, I've turned on the laptop, sat down in a spot in the house where I can best hear my family returning home, and surfed the web for pornography.  (This is Ritualization.)  And at least a hundred of those times I've made bargains with myself such as, "I'll only do this for 30 minutes in order to not waste the whole day."  Well, guess what?  Not surprisingly, for the addict, there is no such thing as doing anything addictive for any set period of time.  Instead, I've found myself on countless occasions surfing the web until the last possible minute, whether that be dictated by me needing to leave for work, knowing family is going to be returning, or whatever.  Shameless and senseless behavior for an adult!  And let's face facts: pornography is ultimately nothing more than a masturbation enhancer!

The point of all this rambling is to say that I've realized in the past year that, even though I've been worked to remain sober for more than a decade in regard to all of this, I am still too "new" at it to be able to surf the web when no one else is home.  (This is on par with the alcoholic who finally realizes, "Duh!  Me going into a bar is never a good thing because I always wind up getting drunk when I do!"  Again, duh!)  Perhaps such a day will arrive in my lifetime when I can surf the web without someone else in the house to keep me in check.  But until that time arrives, though, I'm happy to report that I've learned this valuable lesson.  And this is an example of change coming about because of changes made.